A month ago I decided to give up social networking until November 1st and it has made me aware {many times over}of what kind of person I was becoming. Taking a step back from all the things in life that kept me too busy to reflect on myself and who I was becoming was actually a lot easier than I had expected. Of course, the first few days it was just avoiding the habitual routines of posting funny little tidbits, but I really didn't miss it that much. Immediately I was saddened by all of the times I noticed myself thinking in "status update" terminology. How pathetic is that?!
The more I was away from it the more I was aware of the time and moments it was stealing from me. Another thing I realized was how much I was {unknowingly} a victim to MOMMY WARS. We are often unaware that we are fierce warriors in these battles. I am sure you are well aware of what I am referring to. "My kid has this" "I take my kids here" "we do things this way" "we are always so busy doing(fill in the blank)" "we don't allow that in our home." These things are mostly just innocent over-shares that we take as personal vendettas to "one-up" us. Most of the time it is truly innocent. Although, we love hearing what other people and their darlings are up to we do not realize what comes with it. Unnecessary attempts to prove that you are just as good of a mom. Feeling that we have to post our lives publicly to prove to every one that we have it all.Quick statement that we often want to retract. Even being repeatedly offended by people that we can't seem to just remove from our news feeds...FYI tone and intention do not translate well in typing.So why do we torture ourselves? I have no idea. But I am sure that we are looking into things a lot deeper than they are. We forget that there are so many bigger things going on in our lives.We never honestly know what is going on in someone's life! So who cares if you think it was rude of them to share or brag. It is not for you to decide and also very likely that they meant no harm.
Sorry, fellow mommies, I am not accusing you... I am just giving myself a pep talk :)
One more thing. If people feel like you are bragging because of the things you share about your children it does not mean that you are. You should not have to filter what you want to post. It is not your fault that they feel inferior or insecure about what you do/ have. FYI I do not take pictures or dress my kids a certain way so that I can brag about it. I do those things because it is something I genuinely enjoy!! We have to stop being so worried about what others think about us. As long as you are comfortable with the things you are putting out there then why on earth would you change due to somebody else?
So I am surrendering. I do not want to be in on this war any more. After all it is not a fair fight...we all have different needs and wants. We all come from different places. We all have different expectations for life. We are enduring different challenges. We all have a different purpose and a different vision of what kind of mom we want to be. Truth be told God equipped each and every one of us to take care of and raise our children to the best of our abilities, but are we doing that? I sure hope I am!!
Does this mean that I won't indulge in social networking after my fast? Doubt it. But I am glad that I took time away to redefine who I want to be opposed to who I was slowly becoming. I admit I often come in with my defenses up instead of taking in what others have to say and learning from it. I am willing to change. This does not meant that I won't share my opinions (cause, well, lets face it I am opinionated) but just cause we don't agree doesn't mean we can't still be friends.I am trying to work harder on myself and worry less on proving to others who I am.
I know not everything in life is a mommy war, but it is more relevant in social networking than in any other aspect of my life.I have learned so many other valuable things in my time away.
I am so excited about the changes me and my family have chosen to make in the upcoming months I hope that not being constantly offended will make the other changes easier.
please leave any thoughts you have or add to this in any way! Re-post or link to this if it pleases you
Showing posts with label moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moms. Show all posts
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
am I 2 kids short of having it all together?
Some things in life just make you laugh, other things really make you evaluate if you are a wrecking ball....
As usual I picked Rowan up from school and I realized once again that I was OVERWHELMED by the thought of having to make my boys lunch. If you know my mom I am sure it doesn't shock you to hear that. Yep, I inherited the "Panic it's time to eat" gene. So instead of stressing myself out I opted for one of our favorites, Panera. You can bring your loud mouth kids to a place like that and not feel flustered by their run-on sentences about nothing, or even the discovery of their voices hitting loud pitches. So there I was with my 2 children as I casually run in to an acquaintance (we said a brief hello and quickly went separate ways to get inside the restaurant). I noticed how she swiftly maneuvered her stroller through the door while one of her FOUR lovely children held it open. Then there was me begging Rowan to hurry in as I tried to keep the door from whacking him as it closed. We went about our business ordering, finding a place to sit and so-on. I was filling up my glass with soda while determined little Rowan was forcing a lemon into his small glass of water that I was teetering in my hand, in which is holding Brinley, when who walks over but my acquaintance... we engage in small talk about our childrens' ages when she looks at me very politely and gently says "Do you need help? You look like your hands are full." I bashfully look away and then in an instant set my gaze back on her and splurt "DO I NEED HELP???" she paused and thought I was taking offense until I burst into laughter and continued "there is something VERY wrong with the fact that a mother of FOUR is asking me (with my 2 kids) if I need help, but sadly yes, yes I do...."
we both chuckled to ourselves at what had just happened and then I thought, "Am I really that bad of a wreck?" "No wonder people always lend me a hand, I am a public disaster!"
Lesson learned: No matter what it is always polite to ask another mom if she needs your help, because sometimes it is just the thoughtful gesture that may make her re-evaluate her frustrations or even just give her the laugh that she needs in that moment! Oh, also apparently the more kids you have the better mom you are.
I am ok with being a wrecking ball as long as these 2 kids are barreling through life with me:)
As usual I picked Rowan up from school and I realized once again that I was OVERWHELMED by the thought of having to make my boys lunch. If you know my mom I am sure it doesn't shock you to hear that. Yep, I inherited the "Panic it's time to eat" gene. So instead of stressing myself out I opted for one of our favorites, Panera. You can bring your loud mouth kids to a place like that and not feel flustered by their run-on sentences about nothing, or even the discovery of their voices hitting loud pitches. So there I was with my 2 children as I casually run in to an acquaintance (we said a brief hello and quickly went separate ways to get inside the restaurant). I noticed how she swiftly maneuvered her stroller through the door while one of her FOUR lovely children held it open. Then there was me begging Rowan to hurry in as I tried to keep the door from whacking him as it closed. We went about our business ordering, finding a place to sit and so-on. I was filling up my glass with soda while determined little Rowan was forcing a lemon into his small glass of water that I was teetering in my hand, in which is holding Brinley, when who walks over but my acquaintance... we engage in small talk about our childrens' ages when she looks at me very politely and gently says "Do you need help? You look like your hands are full." I bashfully look away and then in an instant set my gaze back on her and splurt "DO I NEED HELP???" she paused and thought I was taking offense until I burst into laughter and continued "there is something VERY wrong with the fact that a mother of FOUR is asking me (with my 2 kids) if I need help, but sadly yes, yes I do...."
we both chuckled to ourselves at what had just happened and then I thought, "Am I really that bad of a wreck?" "No wonder people always lend me a hand, I am a public disaster!"
Lesson learned: No matter what it is always polite to ask another mom if she needs your help, because sometimes it is just the thoughtful gesture that may make her re-evaluate her frustrations or even just give her the laugh that she needs in that moment! Oh, also apparently the more kids you have the better mom you are.
I am ok with being a wrecking ball as long as these 2 kids are barreling through life with me:)
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