Sunday, October 24, 2010

Am I the only one who thinks there are MOMMY WARS?

A month ago I decided to give up social networking until November 1st and it has made me aware {many times over}of what kind of person I was becoming. Taking a step back from all the things in life that kept me too busy to reflect on myself and who I was becoming was actually a lot easier than I had expected. Of course, the first few days it was just avoiding the habitual routines of posting funny little tidbits, but I really didn't miss it that much. Immediately I was saddened by all of the times I noticed myself thinking in "status update" terminology. How pathetic is that?!

The more I was away from it the more I was aware of the time and moments it was stealing from me. Another thing I realized was how much I was {unknowingly} a victim to MOMMY WARS. We are often unaware that we are fierce warriors in these battles. I am sure you are well aware of what I am referring to. "My kid has this" "I take my kids here" "we do things this way" "we are always so busy doing(fill in the blank)" "we don't allow that in our home."  These things are mostly just innocent over-shares that we take as personal vendettas to "one-up" us. Most of the time it is truly innocent. Although, we love hearing what other people and their darlings are up to we do not realize what comes with it.  Unnecessary attempts to prove that you are just as good of a mom. Feeling that we have to post our lives publicly to prove to every one that we have it all.Quick statement that we often want to retract. Even being repeatedly offended by people that we can't seem to just remove from our news feeds...FYI tone and intention do not translate well in typing.So why do we torture ourselves? I have no idea. But I am sure that we are looking into things a lot deeper than they are. We forget that there are so many bigger things going on in our lives.We never honestly know what is going on in someone's life! So who cares if you think it was rude of them to share or brag. It is not for you to decide and also very likely that they meant no harm.

Sorry, fellow mommies, I am not accusing you... I am just giving myself a pep talk :)

One more thing. If people feel like you are bragging because of the things you share about your children it does not mean that you are. You should not have to filter what you want to post. It is not your fault that they feel inferior or insecure about what you do/ have. FYI I do not take pictures or dress my kids a certain way so that I can brag about it. I do those things because it is something I genuinely enjoy!! We have to stop being so worried about what others think about us. As long as you are comfortable with the things you are putting out there then why on earth would you change due to somebody else?

So I am surrendering. I do not want to be in on this war any more. After all it is not a fair fight...we all have different needs and wants. We all come from different places. We all have different expectations for life. We are enduring different challenges. We all have a different purpose and a different vision of what kind of mom we want to be. Truth be told God equipped each and every one of us to take care of and raise our children to the best of our abilities, but are we doing that? I sure hope I am!!

Does this mean that I won't indulge in social networking after my fast? Doubt it. But I am glad that I took time away to redefine who I want to be opposed to who I was slowly becoming.  I admit I often come in with my defenses up instead of taking in what others have to say and learning from it. I am willing to change. This does not meant that I won't share my opinions (cause, well, lets face it I am opinionated) but just cause we don't agree doesn't mean we can't still be friends.I am trying to work harder on myself and worry less on proving to others who I am.
I know not everything in life is a mommy war, but it is more relevant in social networking than in any other aspect of my life.I have learned so many other valuable things in my time away.
I am so excited about the changes me and my family have chosen to make in the upcoming months I hope that not being constantly offended will make the other changes easier.

please leave any thoughts you have or add to this in any way! Re-post or link to this if it pleases you

4 comments:

April said...

Well said my friend!!! As usual your insight is well, just that, insightful. I think you are an awesome mommy and I have to agree-this month of fast has shown me so many things that need to change and I am so excited as well to impliment them. :)

Kimmy said...

Beautifully said! I love how beautiful your heart is about this topic, and that you are willing to admit the things that other wouldn't confess they felt or thought.

It's such an awesome thing that you are willing to let the Lord work in your heart in this way, and I hope that more people will start to think in these terms.

I totally agree that taking a break from social networking has been such a great thing! It really makes you truly step back and look at how many other more important things there are in life.

<3 YOU

Elizabeth Lenox said...

and everyone already knows that my kid is the best. LOL! j/k.

kylee marie said...

I just saw this post - LOVE IT! I really agree with everything you said! Well said, Shaynah.